Saturday, October 8, 2011

Home away from home

Here is my lavish studio, please note the three and a quarter walls, that's right looks like a certain institution (Cornish College of the Arts) has faith in a certain student (not me, I'm not sure what her name is but I think she might be a junior, or maybe a very advanced sophomore. But anyway I've heard a lot about her I think she's from back east and has six brothers, and it's just a rumor but I heard one of the brothers is friends with one of the girls from Heart. But anyway she does these incredible painting that are not visible unless you eat a huge spaghetti dinner, buy 6 $0.20 stamps and watch a hour and 6 minutes of a romantic comedy, while holding a thimble full of sodium nitrate. Now I know, I know it's been done, but her craftsmanship is breath taking). 

It was really Important to me that the walls be painted eggshell white, it's just so much softer which allows me to access a more vulnerable state so that I may approach my work the way a snap dragon might from a terrace on a crisp spring morning near Rue De Menilmontant.  the floor is actually a painting by Vermeer called "View of Delft" of course I have repainted it to look like a concrete floor, I wanted the floor to inspire me but the landscape was distracting.  

My trademark solid gold stool and easel were generously donated by my long time patron and employer the good lady Sparks. I can so clearly remember the first time I and the lady met. It was a sweltering mid February day, the birds were dirging and the exhaust smelt of nickels and fresh bread. I was a young street tough just come to America from the state of Ohio. I had nothing but a quarter of the shirt on my back (Shirts during this time were often bought in installments with a 16% APR plus interest). I was able to make ends meet by signing up for various underground bare-knuckle knitting competitions. It was here that the lady Sparks found me. The lady Sparks frustrated by her monotonous life of luxury and ridiculously slow wifi speeds (we're talking 12Mbps) decided to disguise herself and sneak into town. Not understanding the currency system she took an apple from a cart with out paying. The cart clerk grabbed her and was going to cut her hands off, but just then me and my pet monkey Abu swung in and saved her. With her hanging on we swung from tree to tree until we made it back to my tree house. Inside the tree house we got in my row boat and peacefully rowed through a lagoon while the animals around us sang "Go on and kiss the girl" but just before we were going to kiss the hyenas killed scar. The next day was the day that changed everything, I had made it to the finals and it was going to be the knit of a lifetime. The good lady Sparks urged me not to knit, just to walk away but I told her "No this is something I have to do, to prove to Fisher Stevens (Actor who played Ben Jabituya in the "Short Circuit" movies)  that I am a man." But I was no match for Granny Pennyfeather, and her cross stockinette stitched poncho. I spent months in a comma. When finally I woke with a sneeze and shouted "French toast!", I promised my lady I would never knit again, "instead I will paint so the world will know, and the journal too, mister Hearst and Pulitzer, have we got news for you. Now the world will hear, what we got to say, we been hawking headlines, but we're make'n em today!". Then she said she would buy me the Stool and easel if I stopped singing songs from the "Newsies".  

The red chair was on a stack of chairs down the hall, it used to have a piece of duct tape on it but I took that off.

....probably shouldn't have ended with the chair.

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